Thoughtful Dept.

New Labour - New
Computing  with a bonny
blooming rose

The Musings of Tony Blair

Editor's Note: This was written prior to the awful events of 11th September 2001, as part of our forthcoming NMD spoof, the rest of which we are witholding for the time being, out of respect for our friends in the US.

However, after hearing Tony Blair's speech to the Labour Party Conference, we feel it would not now be offensive to publish this reminder of the tremendous, and not always benign influence America's large corporations have over affairs in this country.

It is at times like these that we must be especially vigilant; watching out for any attempt to 'slip things past us' while the eyes of most of the world are elsewhere.

In the foyer of 10 Downing Street, Tony Blair is musing ...

Tony is seated at a desk, clothed in his 'Ronald
McDonald' suit.

For the benefit of those without the ability to view the GIF animation, a transcript follows:

Here I sit minding the great business of state - well - I mean - I would be - but I'm waiting on a call from Dubya - I mean - aren't these Americans wonderful. They're so good at simply everything!

Americans are so clever! That's why I've teamed up with Bill and Rupert - I mean - they're even more powerful than I am - I mean - together we'll make Britain better. Well, I think so anyway.

It's nice to know we're in such good hands, isn't it? ... I mean, if we didn't have the Americans we'd have to put up with the same old British things. Dull things. Things that work ...

I mean - you can't make much money out of things that work, can you - I mean - you're much better off making money out of things that don't work, then making even more money by upgrading them ...

then, when they stop working, you can make even more money by making newer things that do work - well ... for a while anyway. Then it all starts again. Maybe we can do better if we do the same.

Bill told me that was how he got to be rich and - well I mean - if we do that, we might get rich too. I mean, it's a bit like the legal profession, and we do all right! Well Cherie does anyway.

Bill's now taken over the computer education in our schools and he's arranging for our kids to be taught these things first hand. Rupert's going to run all our media for us. Everything will be compatible. Great.

And there we must leave Tony for the moment.

There are two villains in this piece, and Tony Blair is not one of them. We couldn't resist the clown suit though! That was inspired, if you recall, by a piece of news which emerged round about the time of the Trades Union Congress.

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