Advertising Feature

Here Phundria features some remarkable new products for those who thought they had everything.

*** Personal Products

Buy A 'Blottophone'!

Do you sometimes find that after a few bevvies you just have to burst into song?

Do you sometimes think other folk fail to appreciate just how good a singer you are?

Worry no more - the 'Blottophone' is here!

Simply sing into the mouthpiece of your 'Blottophone' and your voice will be instantly transformed into mellifluous, vibrant sound!

Now everyone can sing like Pavarotti!

The 'Blottophone' is another innovative product from the Blootered Corporation, purveyors of fine quality products to the inebriated.

Here's a great new idea in underwear for men and women!

The 'Invincible' Brand Unisex Polka-Dot Pantaloons are for you!

They fit any figure and are guaranteed for five years against all wear and tear. 'Invincible' Brand Unisex Polka-Dot Pantaloons come in 'no-door', 'one-door' and 'two-door' versions. In addition, the 'no-door' and 'one-door' versions can also be fitted with 'I' fronts or 'Y fronts!

Coming soon - the 'P' and 'Q' pantaloons!

The 'P' version of these pantaloons is fitted with a padlock, and the 'Q' version is fitted with quick-release fasteners.

'Invincible' Brand Unisex Polka-Dot Pantaloons are available from all good outfitters.

Get yours - today! One size fits all.

The 'BROOPHE' Brand Flatulence Suppressor.

This incredible invention reduces embarrassing noises by up to 25 decibels. Resembling a small concertina, this device is worn discreetly under the clothing.

The 'BROOPHE' is another innovative product from the Blootered Corporation.

McWhirter's 'Wonder Wallies' - Instant Teeth in a Tube!

Do you suffer from embarrassing oral gaps? Suffer no more. Just apply a tooth-sized squirt of 'Wonder Wallies' to the offending space - wait ten seconds and - WOW! Another instant 'Wonder Wally' is ready for action.

The 'Indian Chief' Automatic Nose Blower.

Strap this unique product to your face and let the 'Indian Chief' get on with it!

The 'Indian Chief' is ideal for the busy executive.

A de-luxe version of the 'Indian Chief' is also available, which produces smoke signals each time your nose blows.

The 'Engineerium' Lum Hat.

Be a great Engineer - Instantly!

Now, revitalised for the new millennium comes a great idea in hats. The 'hat with brains' has now arrived!

The 'Engineerium' Lum Hat comes in several models - select the one that suits your desired specialism. Here are a few examples:

• The 'Telford' - The bridge to your future.
• The 'Macadam' - A solid foundation.
• The 'Brunel' - On track for success.
• The 'Stephenson' - Steam into a new career.
• The 'Fred' - Available at a knock-down price.

'Engineerium' Lum Hats are not suitable for accountants.

The 'Juckreiz' Brand Trouser Adjuster.

Banish Embarassing Itching!

Men! Do you ever suffer from itching that you dare not scratch?

Suffer no more. The 'Juckreiz' Brand Trouser Adjuster has arrived at last!

This unique product for men is worn discreetly beneath the trousers, and at the onset of an embarrasing itch swings into action after a brief press on the pocket mounted switch. A further press causes it to cease operation.

Feel comfortable and at ease in the politest of company.

The 'Juckreiz' Brand Trouser Adjuster requires 2AA batteries and is guaranteed for three months.

The 'Juckreiz' Brand Trouser Adjuster is yet another innovation from the Blootered Corporation.

The 'SUPER BROOPHE' Disembarrasser.

This is an amazing development of the 'BROOPHE' flatulence suppressor. It actually turns offensive noises into soothing, relaxing music. Easily fitted, the 'SUPER BROOPHE' is invisible when the wearer is seated.

The 'SUPER BROOPHE' is yet another innovative product from the Blootered Corporation.

The 'Clinton' Brand Universal Stain Remover.

Continually developed over many years, this is the world's finest cleaning agent bar none.

Fully Guaranteed to remove all stains of whatever sort from absolutely anything!

Comes in Regular, Large and Presidential Sizes.

Pick the one that's best for you and get cleaning - today.

Used in Scotland for many years, the 'Clinton' Brand Universal Stain Remover is now available for export.

Overseas trade enquiries invited.

The 'Clinton' Brand Universal Stain Remover is one more innovative product from the Blootered Corporation.

*** Computer Products

Floppy Drive De-materialiser.

Have you ever been annoyed by that stupid floppy disk drive that most computers still come fitted with? After all, programs and documents are so big these days that you need CD ROMs or ZIP Drives to store them. Be annoyed no longer. Dematerialise your redundant floppy drives with the new Floppy Drive De-materialiser from NyukNyuk Ltd.

Suitable for use only with computers running Mega$loth® operating systems, this special product is supplied on a single floppy disk. Here's how it works:

Load the Floppy Drive De-materialiser into the offending floppy drive.

Type: dir a:

and your computer should respond:

Sector not found reading drive A
abort/retry/fail

Type: F

If the Floppy Drive De-materialiser has worked successfully, your computer will report:

drive a: does not exist.

The Floppy Drive De-materialiser is just the thing for the man who believes everything his computer tells him.

Banish Computer Constipation!

Banish Computer Constipation on your Windoze system with the Mega$loth® Projectile File Defecator® (PFD). The PFD® is the biggest advance in computer bloat since DOS. Comes complete with its very own lovable character, 'Philo' the Penguin.

The Mega$loth® PFD® has been incorporated as standard in all Windoze systems from version 3.0 upwards.