Hello'ello'ello! Dept. (Again)

The Plod - Courts

by Jack Henry (Retired)



Well Off?

P.C. Pelaw gave his evidence in a case against a man accused of begging in the street. The defendant was then asked by the Magistrates' Clerk if he wished to ask the officer any questions. As is usual, the accused said that he had no need to beg as he had plenty of money.

On behalf of the Accused, the Clerk (a University man) put this answer to the P.C. in the form of a question, and in rather 'posh' tones, asking "The defendant says he had plenty of money Officer. Did he appear to you to be affluent?" P.C. Pelaw replied firmly; "No Sir, I am sure he had not had any drink at all!"


Inebriated

Nancy was a lady of the night, reasonable when sober but an utter nuisance when drunk. On one particular evening I had been detailed along with my partner, Bob, to be outside the Crown Hotel in Clayton Street West to ensure that the Lord Mayor (A lady) had uninterrupted passage into the hotel to attend a function. Shortly beforehand, Nancy arrived, determined to ply her trade nearby.

We explained to Nancy about the Civic Visit and asked her to move elsewhere, but, being well 'tanked up', she merely moved to the other side of the road where she proceeded to shout the odd obscenity about the Police in general and us in particular.

At this time a mutual friend of ours from Scotswood arrived as a guest at the function, and it was obvious that, possibly being afraid that refreshment might be in short supply, he had made a start earlier and was by now in a merry mood.

Perhaps Nancy thought our friend was the Lord Mayor, and renewed her vitriolic abuse even louder than before. Just before the arrival of the official party I ran across the road and told Nancy that we had had enough and she would be reported for using indecent language in a public place. Her reply was quite emphatic "Up yer pipe!", she shouted.

At the Court in due course we gave our evidence. Nancy was asked if she wished to comment and her reply of "Them two coppers were drunk, the Mayor was drunk, in fact they were aal drunk!" brought the house down.


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